Just when you think you’re finished…

So you know my book, Possession? Yeah, the one I was “done” with? That’s been out on submission since roughly the time God created the earth?

Yeah. It’s not finished yet. I did another round of revisions based on agent feedback which I am 2 1/2 chapters away from completing. It has been a horribly slow painful process and I don’t understand why. I normally don’t have to drag stuff out of me like this.

In the midst of this I have gotten a revise and resubmit from an agent. Now, this agent hasn’t read this newest version and she’s not going to. Why? Because it’s not enough. I didn’t realize it until I got her email. I instantly thought upon reading it that I couldn’t send the new version because it wasn’t different enough. Oh, it’s better no doubt about that, but I now doubt that it is the best representation of me and the writer I have become in the last year.

I tend to undervalue my talent and my skill. I do so on a regular basis. Even when people I don’t know tell me I can write, I still doubt. And then a dear friend, whom I deeply respect, told me I am so much better than I was a year ago. And I was good a year ago. I know I was. Agents told me I was. They told me I was good. They told me I was talented. But I wasn’t good enough to get picked up by one of them. Because something was missing. I think I’ve found it. I’ve found it and I’m going to use it to rewrite this book in ways I never would have imagined when I started.

And when I’m done, I’m going to resubmit, requery, query and I am going to get signed and I am going to sell this book because anything else just isn’t acceptable.

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